Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
