before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Why are your pants in the freezer?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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