Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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