we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
