Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
