I just pynch a tree in the face
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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