Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
