You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Randomize
