i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
