We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
