I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
