bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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