Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I stole a fireplace last night.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
