Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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