You can't special order awesome
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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