people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
There's always time for handjobs
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize