I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
