i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
