Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
