It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I have already put on my inside pants.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
