well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
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