I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
