The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
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