you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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