a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
