remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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