Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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