what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Im just a social blackout drinker.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
