Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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