God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
