let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
