Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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