It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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