Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
