If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
