we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
