I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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