I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
