Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
A bitchslap is in order.
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