There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
