I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Duck Duck Cougar?
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
