The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
