I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
This is classic penis vs brain.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Randomize
