I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Randomize
