Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
