Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Also, beer. Big fan.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
