I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Randomize