wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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