It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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