one might say we're banned from that church
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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