I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I am one with the molecules
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
