this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
