Me. At least after what I've been through.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
