i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
