Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
