We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
