She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize
