Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
