so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
