BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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