My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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