I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize