Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
