plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
