i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
