good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
